Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we're making bets on your personal life
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
