Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
