just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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