The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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