after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
