then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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