What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
