Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
