when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The feeling are messing with the penis
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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