dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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