yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
