Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
