if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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