I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
