I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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