2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
