Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
