i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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