If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
