Swine flu. Run for my life!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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