HIV tests are more positive than that guy
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
