That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
me + whiskey = a bad person
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
