Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
