my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
