I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
