I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
there is glitter all over my balls
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
