WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
