My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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