i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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