is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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