If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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