Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So much Jack, so little girl.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
