i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
