he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
