Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
