So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
