he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
