You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
