So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
