Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
