K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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