I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
