Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
