I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
