it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
