You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
