i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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