You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
