I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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