So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
