you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
