Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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