So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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