I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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