Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
did i walk over a car last night?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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